I am so weakened by her cuteness. Her giggly little goat noises just kill me, and she can go on with them for hours at a time. I am pretty sure she is going to be a talker like her mom.
But she really isn't fond of playing dress up yet. That just makes her mad.
We are trying out her sling today, which keeps her close and snug but also gives me some free hands, and although it is a little awkward, maybe, I am thinking we will figure it out and like it alot. She loves being held, and it keeps her right in kissing/tickling range. Win-win!
She is starting to play with and tangle and pull my hair, focus on parts of our faces, and giggle and squirm when we tickle and kiss her. She is still sleeping for most of the time, but she does spend a few hours a day stretching and staring and cooing and just hanging out with her mom and dad and the dogs.
Life is pretty sweet.
I have been doing quite well with adjusting to baby, healing from childbirth and getting back into the swing of things - including my old clothes. It is so weird how I was just very hugely pregnant, and now I am almost back to my regular size. I don't know, it just seemed to take so much time to grow and not all that much to shrink, and I just didn't expect that.
Tomorrow Auntie Lisa and Mad and I will try breakfast at Billy's...I am feeling like it is time, and Madelyn has lots of people to meet there that have been feeding me french toast throughout the pregnancy and can't wait to meet her. We actually went out to dinner the other night and she was very good and didn't even wake up until we were ready for the bill. That ruled...I hope it is a trend, although I am realizing that as soon as I think I get her and know what to expect she changes things up again.
And I should probably get used to that.
For the most part, I spend my recent days sleeping when I can, eating when I remember to, snuggling and kissing and touching the baby, (have I mentioned how yummy the neck is? hers is super tasty!) which luckily right now, she just loves.
I love to lay with her passed out on my chest in the quiet, thinking of how one day she will be a 33 year old woman like me, who just doesn't curl up there anymore.
I just treasure every minute with her, feel a little lost when I go somewhere without her, and feel a whole lot more complete now that she is here.
It is an incredible feeling, and I am so lucky that feeling is happening to me.
So last night her little umbilical stump fell of, leaving an adorable cutie pie belly button! I am relieved, because that little thing kept making me nervous at changings and belly time.
It seems she is getting bigger, as her little onesies are starting to fit better, and she has perfected this little goat noise that she makes during sleep. (Mommy can't sleep through the goat noises so there is alot of sleep watching going on.) Speaking of sleeping, she sleeps with mom and dad, and is pretty stoked about that! According to everything I am reading, newborns like to snuggle alot, and we don't deny her that closeness.
After being so close and tucked in for nine months, it is hard for either one of us to be without the other without getting a little lonely! Right now she is curled up sleeping on her dad's lap as he works, which is just as sweet as can be!
She is staying awake for a little longer per day, and sleeping a little longer at night, although fitfully...did you know that newborns spend more time in REM sleep? And they make lots of noises and movements when they dream. Apparently it is due to all the processing going on in their new little brains. In the next few weeks she will reach a deeper sleep cycle, which means Mommy just may get some shut eye for longer too...
She is a chubby little bunny, so pretty and so smart. She discovered her fingers and eyelids yesterday, as well as how they may work together in an effort to upset her.
She has mittens on now until the danger subsides. It is funny how she grabs her own face and cries and all of the sudden I feel like it is my fault. Motherhood is huge...I have loved many people and my love for Charlie is quite intense, but when I met him, he was already able to care for himself. It is overwhelming to love something so vulnerable and to feel so responsible for someone so fragile.
She also giggles so much in her sleep that it is hard for me to sleep, because I keep cracking up every time she does...she probably got that from me and all the "America's Funniest Videos" I watched while carrying her. She likes to hear us laugh.
I am excited for the day that I am much better at schlepping her around, getting her in and out of cars and carseats, going shopping or walking or visiting with her, because right now it seems all so overwhelming.
And with Charlie traveling so much in February, and the two of us alone together, I will have to figure it out to get to the store and whatnot...I will go crazy if I feel stuck here...
Plus, we may even accompany him on a trip or two, and I can't imagine getting through an airport with her...I can barely get myself to a plane, and now I have so much gear and baby and bags...but I trust it will come and before I know it, a couple years will pass and I will be lugging two of these adorable creatures around.
Of course I can't even think about that now, they grow up so fast I barely want to blink, because I don't want to miss a thing. The preciousness of her squirming in my lap, giggling and cooing is enough for me right now...and it probably will be for a while.
I miss being pregnant a little...being so close to her, keeping her perfectly safe and warm and fed. It was alot easier of a task when she was a part of my body. Now everything is guesswork and no sleeping and eating whatever I can get down with one hand...I am so glad she is here, but so afraid she will grow up too fast. It is amazing how quickly she adapts and learns and I love to observe it and be a part of it, yet part of me wishes it took more time...that she would stay a tiny baby for much longer...
There is nothing you can read, hear, observe or imagine that could prepare you for motherhood. I am filled with joy, fear, confusion, and love and it is so overwhelming that I am guessing that I cry alot more than she does. I am in awe of her beauty, amazed by her tiny fingers and toes, all the possibilities that lie ahead of her. I am humbled by her very existence and incredulous that Charlie and I could create something so sweet and so perfect.
She is spending more time awake now, and will sit for an hour and half at a time just yawning and stretching and cooing and looking at everything new around her. And today she giggled. Not just one of her little noises, she was half sleeping and she busted out smiling and laughed. Of course, I understand she doesn't (or, at least, isn't supposed to) mean it but it sure looked and sounded and felt quite genuine.
I could, and do, spend every minute I can just staring at her, almost half believing she is actually here. I don't want to miss any single moment, which seem still to pass too quickly, I can't believe she is already 9 days old.
I so love being a mommy. I knew I would, but I never imagined it would be as amazing as this.
today i decided to try and sleep when the baby sleeps as everyone tells me to do (it is harder than it sounds for sure! but we went down for a nap today at noon and slept almost 4 hours it was amazing and she slept the whole time
i am a drill sergeant with eating, sleeping, changing but she really is getting into a routine of course she calls the shots but i enforce her great behavior and it is huge progress to happier baby and mommy!
she is so smart right now she is sleeping on her daddy's chest like a little angel
the last few days (and nights) have been rough even though she is so easy it is hard to completely rearrange sleeping/eating/hygiene habits i just try to make sense of it all
i cry alot which i hear is all very normal
i get overwhelmed with love for her thoughts of her future how they grow up so fast how i have so much purpose the changes in my life and perspective and then there is also the lack of sleep the pain and forgetting to eat in time...
not to mention all the hormone flux that goes on right after birth you are just weepy and sentimental and overwhelmed with all sorts of awe...
i am surprised at how quickly she has adapted to her new environment when the dogs start barking she doesn't even flinch
they are all doing so well with her there is dog hair on her stuff but i am resigning that one and vacuuming daily a new mom has to let go of some the anal things for a little while she has way more important things to do/be/contribute to
my biggest piece of new mom advice: just don't stress she will feel it and it will make things harder
stock up on frozen pizza take out/delivery menus and stouffer's lasagna
Karmen and I awoke early the morning of January 10, 2008. With bags in the Kitteh, we headed off to the hospital for induction.
I definitely prefer childbirth by schedule rather than by surprise.
There is a story here...and much of it includes pain....so I will spare the details.
The short of it is..... after 15 hours of labor, two epidurals, back labor, three and a half hours of pushing, much screaming, the scare of a near c-section and forceps; Madelyn Kae Van Derven entered this world.
The beautiful little girl was born at 10:57 PM Pacific Time on January 10, 2008. She weighed 8 lbs. 3 ozs. and measured 20 inched in length. I have had many happy days....only the day Karmen and I were married can even compare. Luckiest guy and proudest dad eveh!