The Van Dervens: On Memories, Mammaries and Diapers...

Oh my sweet little 6 week old boo. You were so tiny and scrum-diddly-umptious.

It is almost hard to remember that little limp baby...

So this is my favorite daily thing today.
My parents bought it for me for my first Mother's Day.
I just love the way this makes me feel. Like someone understands that sometimes this amazing love is all about her and me and sharing DNA and flesh and family and memories and every other special thing we share.

For the past few weeks we have been going through weaning, not by either of our choice, but with her increase in appetite for solid food, and the very nature of things, it is just happening.

It is the first big event of letting go, and it is hard for both of us. There are moments when I feel like I am failing her, and I fear that our bond that is so special just won't be the same.

I am afraid that the most obvious thing that separated me from anyone else in her life is gone. And now I am just another person to her.

It just isn't easy to let go of her babyhood.

I am just so grateful that I was able (and willing!) to nurse at all, and that this transition comes naturally. Charlie keeps reminding me how hard it would be 6 months from now, when she understands more, or how awful it would be if I had to cut her off or wean her forcefully due to another pregnancy.

And he is right.

That would be way more devastating. But this still hurts.

I just always want to do what is the very best for her. And it is hard to face the reality that sometimes, despite my best intentions, I might not be able to.

It is hard to be a parent sometimes.

I've seen these Seventh Generation diapers all the time at the store, but I guess I thought they were generic.

Then I saw Nicole Ritchie buying them for her celebrity baby, and after a little research I realized they aren't generic, they are hippie diapers.

I bought a pack to try, simply because they don't have any stupid cartoons on them, and are a beautiful linen color. What can I say? I am a sucker for pretty things...

But there is really more to these diapers than the pretty outward appearance. They are chlorine free diapers. Did you know leading brand diapers have chlorine packs in them, to mask the odor of urine? (heebs!)

I was kind of shocked. I am sure my diapers had chlorine, and so many babies live long fruitful lives despite the fact that some noxious gas is rubbing against their precious little hoo-hoo.

But it just sounded knuckleheaded terrible to be strapping some chemical used in enemy warfare to my baby's perfect little butt.

We are all a little happier around here for doing good things for hoo-hoos and the environment!